Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
