I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
