Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
