I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
