You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
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