Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
