Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
