i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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