I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
