So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
