Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Fuck appropriateness.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
