My nipple is on Facebook.
from now on my penis is your penis
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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