I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
