Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
