I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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