so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
