her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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