help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
