I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I have post one night stand depression
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