I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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