Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Randomize
