I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
