i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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