It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just forgot I was standing up.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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