i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
