You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
