I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
