You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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