he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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