i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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