what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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