this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
