Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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