Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Can't talk, ducks in the car
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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