Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
