I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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