I want to walk on stilts...naked
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
