ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
