And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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