I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
she told me i tasted like america
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
