I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You took a bar mat shot.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
