Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
