The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
