She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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