I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
