I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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