Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
