I hate your face
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
