Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
