Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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