She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
