Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
