Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
