I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
How does it feel to date your dad?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
