Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
