Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
