hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
