a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
