Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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