I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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