Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
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