omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
