At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
