please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
